The Empty Frame

I have a task that I have been struggling with for a couple of weeks.  I have some empty picture frames I want to fill with current photos.

I have one frame in particular that has become a bit of a thorn for me. Every time I see it sitting there void of a photo something pricks my heart.  Some days it bleeds a little other days it bleeds a lot.  There is a tiny bit of joy on the days it bleeds a lot. It sounds strange, but when the sadness pours out -- I know that my heart is still soft, still flesh.  The days it barely bleeds fear takes root. I fear my heart is becoming callused and hardening, slowly transforming into a heart of stone.

So what is this frame that hurts my heart time after time. It is a friendship frame. The words etched in the frame read "Friends are a lifetime of shared experiences and memories laughter caring sharing secrets honesty listening fights talking advice dreams a true friend is a gift to cherish Friends are forever".

If I am being honest - and I promise I will be honest with you. The frame follows me to many events and gatherings, even church. It looks a little different, but it hurts the same.

Some times I sit down at a table and watch as friend after friend walks by saying hello, spots one of their (or even one of our) friends and hurries to sit with them.  I look at the empty seats nears me and pray for God to fill them. I take a deep breath and tell myself that every friend who passes by and sits with others is just not who God  needed at my table. I said I would be honest, truthfully it is more than some times. I cannot remember a gathering when this hasn't happened.

There was an event where the pain found some anger to mingle with resulting in a bit of pettiness. It was in that moment, the connection to the frame started to show. My act of pettiness was taking photos of all my friends choosing to be with other people. No one knew it was the action of someone battling loneliness, but those photos became roots to bitterness.  It took a long time for me to find the strength to delete them.

I have been fighting with God about writing this blog. That is why it has been so long since my last blog.  Yesterday was another moment when a call out for friends went unanswered.  However, God showed me what to do with the frame.

I am going to fill it with hearts. The hearts of friends. So if you are a friend of mine who wants a heart in the frame let me know with a message, a heart, a like.  God and I are transforming my frame.

If I have ever been the friend you needed that walked by, I am sincerely sorry. It was not intentional--just as my friends walking by me was not intentional. My goal in writing this was not to make anyone feel badly. I wanted to share my heart, so my friends can help me heal. Maybe by looking through my transformed frame we will see others who are hiding their hurts and sit down at their table.